I’ve been reading my 19.October Post (The Fall,from the Other Side) and realizing I might have done a decent job describing my sensory impressions at the “time,” but not so much the Experience of that walk on the Edge. In truth the Experience took quite a while for me to begin to recognize, really coming to me only following an amazing long-distance Reiki session some 16 months later, when the hands that provided light in that Dark Place came back into my life on this side, as a treasured friend & sender of Reiki. Even now, I struggle at describing this profound experience in a way that does not feel merely mundane or trite; hence my initial reluctance to attempt a description.
I can describe the experience, as I have, as lying alone on a rock slab in a dark abyss, with images of my life passing before my eyes; tho the Experience was something rather beyond this, neither enveloped in that description nor differing from that description (to borrow the language of the Diamond Sutra, which is why we can use that description).
The Experience was one of abject isolation, aloneness, separation; lying alone on a rock slab in that forsaken “place,” the painful filmstrip segments of my life speaking of separation; against the backdrop, to which my immediate awareness was numbed, of interbeing – interbeing (with) my loving & devoted wife/partner, driving in shock & grief 3 hours to sit at my bedside, (with) my devoted and capable sons, (with) my loving 4-legged companions on the kitchen floor, (with) a most dear long-estranged friend who somehow had the ability to walk into that timeless place between worlds to light my way (no, Best-Beloved, that was most definitely Not a mere hallucination or dream image), while the blissful filmstrip segments illustrated moments of loving connection. The preposition “with” in parentheses above, as subject and object are One, rendering the preposition either unnecessary or wholly necessary & implied; tho we may Perceive Subject and Object as distinct, Object is by its very nature “with” Subject.
The delusion of isolation is only possible within the illusion of an independent existence; if “I” do not have independent existence, if “self” is an illusion, but exists only in interbeing “with,” how can “I” possibly find “myself” alone, isolated, separated?
I often refer to the 4-element construct of Empedocles when teaching the nature of health & disease. With Mars & Mercury in Aries, Empedocles’ Fire element has been huge in my life; directly above the horizon, a life focussed on doing, determined, confident, a Mind-centered life. In bardo, the Experience was pure Air element, cold, alone; seeming opposites, yet the thread that runs through as truth between both is the illusion of an Independent Existence. The core nature of my Karma.
Such a blessing to be guided out, back to this world, with that recognition. Next time through, I’ll try to be more aware, I might hope a sprained ankle will be sufficient reminder.